Beautiful Mom, beautiful Margaret

The newest batch of observations:

1. If NASA can figure out what the propellant is in baby digestive systems, we could be on Mars within three years.
2. Margaret can sense when you've just put a new diaper on so that she can poop again. That way Mommy and Daddy can get more practice
3. She can also sense the exact point at which you've just reached the deepest state of relaxation in your unconscious and know just how to yank you from it
4. She doesn't like looking at the camera so she squeezes her eyes shut when she sees me getting it out.
5. Babies feel best when cuddled up close to your chest
6. Baby sneezes come from the same place that fireflies, summer days and caramel apples come from.
7. Most important one of the day. When it's your baby, the poop isn't gross.


Burping the little monkey!

Last night, we had an experience from the, "hmm, that was impressive" category.

Having read that allowing babies to play for a bit after a feeding without a diaper helps avoid diaper rash, we got Margaret bare bottomed on the couch on top of a maternity bed pad to protect the cushions from any accidents.

So there we were, baby bare bottomed when Margaret starts to pee. OK. No problem. We were prepared and had the pad down. But what we weren't prepared for was the simultaneous projectile poop that came issuing forth from her bottom like a high pressure fire hose onto the rug. We were literally caught with her pants down.

I busted out the tape measure. Furthest point of impact from anus was about 36 inches. Given, there was about 16 inches of height, so solving for a^2 + b^2 = c^2 gives you a horizontal leg of about 32 and a quarter inches of linear range. That's still pretty impressive. I'm of the belief that given a bit more elevation, the TV might have been an achievable target.

Of course, immediately after, little Margaret wanted to be fed, so it was me kneeling on the carpet trying to pull out every last bit of yellowish, cheesy goodness from the carpet. This led me to today's observation number 7. Aah, the joys of fatherhood.

Another joy of fatherhood was giving Margaret her first bath in the sink yesterday. I volunteered, having seen this done plenty of times and, of course, falling prey to the (seemingly exclusively male) fallacy that having seen something done is equivalent to having done it.

What I didn't realize was how slippery she gets and how floppy she is when you've only got one hand to stabilize her. I had her head in the crook of my elbow and one hand grabbing her bottom. This was fine for getting her in the water and making sure her head stayed out of it, but allowed her head to clonk against the side of the sink a couple of times because I had effectively no control over it. I feel like next time, if I can get her higher on my arm and my hand wrapped around a leg, that might help. Of course, I'll also wear a short sleeved shirt, too.

See what happens when you mix new dad, with new baby with water, below.



PS I know that the Pythagorean theorem is actually the wrong approach and that I need to use the quadratic equation (I think we have enough variables). But frankly, that required too much remembering of high school algebra so I didn't do it.

PPS: In further thinking about the math, I don't think we know enough variables. I only know enough to solve for the slope of the line (y = mx + b) but not enough to solve for the overall trajectory of the path followed by the poop. From what I understand, I'm missing the velocity / force of the initial 'launch' which is what would allow me to do the calculation. And no, I'm not going to go to the trouble of devising a way to measure it.