A friend's blog triggered some thinking in me - I feel like there's no way to truly love someone unless you open yourself up to be vulnerable to that person. Unless you let that person in enough so that they are in a place where they could really mess you up if they wanted, they're not in a place where you both can truly learn if you're right for each other.

I'm not saying run around and let people hurt you and hope you eventually meet the right person who won't (that's just plain stupid). But a few things:

1) It's almost by definition - love opens you up to be hurt by that person. If you don't want to hurt, you'll never be able to love fully because you'll never let yourself TRUST that person. If you're afraid of the ball, you'll never be a player.

2) Even if you find that person and you do love each other in that forever ever after way, you're still going to hurt each other. It's gonna' happen. It's a 100% guarantee. The reason you're going to stay together is because you trust that your partner didn't mean it and that they really are sorry. That no matter what happens, life is going to suck more without that person than just sucking it up and dealing and getting over the hurt. The point is that you love that person more than the damage from the hurt inflicted.

I know that I hurt S really badly. But we're together. And it's forever. And I know. We've both handed each other a knife. And though we've accidentally slashed each other at times (I doing more damage than her) we know that it was accidental and that we're always sorry. We don't doubt now that we're going to make it. We just know it. Like we know that the sky is blue or that water is wet.

Trust. Love. Hurt. It happens. But love is the one that makes it all worthwhile.

I believe in it like some people believe in God.

So I thought I'd try a new font (I like courier) and post some pics that make me relaxed in the midst of this howling typhoon blowing outside...

voice

So I've been reading a few blogs lately - some on purpose and some by accident, but it's been an interesting ride. Since the purpose of me starting this blog was to try to figure out what blogging was about and to understand it's attraction, I thought I'd let you all know what I've been coming up wtih.

Of the 'on purpose' kind, I went and found Stephanie Klein's blog after reading about it in the NY Times supplement to the Chinese paper here in Taipei. It's very interesting. I mean, that girl writes! I italicize not because I think she writes incredible prose (though it's not bad at all) but because she writes a lot! She must spend at least a couple of hours a day writing. And she still has a job. Of course, with a book deal and an article in the NYT, I suppose it makes sense to keep writing. She gets paid for it. I mean, sheesh, there are only slightly more than 2000 blogs with more trackbacks (is that what it's called?) than hers. That's pretty popular.

Of the by accident kind, I was searching for Singapore online and ran into some random guy's blog that I wound up reading for awhile. I don't remember what was really actually in it, but something struck me that strikes me every time I read a new blog - the voice.

There does appear to be a narrative voice that many bloggers share. It's almost an irreverent, brief, choppy sentence structure and style. I noticed it first because I noticed the similarities between EH's blog and the Washingtonienne's. Then I noticed it with this Singaporean guy.

Then, I noticed something interesting. When I read Stephanie Klein's blog, I was actually confused. Because her narrative voice is so different. She writes in a more literate style. Not to say that choppy and declarative isn't literate. Just ask Hemingway. But she does more with non-traditional structure and seems to take more risk with point of view. She also covers many topics in a post. I like that. It makes it more fun to read. Well, sometimes, it makes it harder to read, but it's definitely a different style that struck me. I liked it.

I can definitely understand why she has a large fan base and readership. I enjoyed reading it, looking at her photos and learning about her. But I wonder what the point is. I mean, I'll likely never meet this woman in my entire life, yet, I am interested in her life. Just like I am interested in the lives of that Singaporean dude, or of the Washingtonienne (Jessica Cutler). I suppose that we can all learn through each other even if we never meet (after all, I read BOOKS by authors I'll never meet). But what interests me about blogs is that it's so close to the people who write them - that it is mainly about the people who write them. I enjoy learning about these people. I don't know if it's a voyeuristic desire or boredom with my own life (and thus a desire for vicarious existence) but I don't fully understand it yet.

But of course, I always find myself skimming through to find the racy bits of peoples' blogs. It's nice being male - we're easy to satisfy :)

Anyhoo, those are my thoughts on this today. Thar's a gale blowin' outside (actually, Typhoon Matsa) so I'm going to upload this before I lose power. No work tomorrow! Awww Yeah!

In other news, Sam moves in tomorrow! That is also exciting news. As soon as she has a place, it's sort of like I have a place. And so that excites me.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Headline on Yahoo! News: Japan ends blanket testing for mad-cow disease

Why? Did they figure that since the cows were mad, it didn't matter if their blankets were to spec? C'mon guys! Mad Cows need to keep warm too!

Sam's new place!

SAM found a place! Woohoo. Well, I guess technically, she's only signed the preliminary contract and she still has to sign the actual lease, but I figure it's ok to hope for the best.

It's in a clean building, she like she likes the location and we've already been brainstorming on how to outfit it - all at Ikea, natch!

It looks good to me - cozy - the perfect place to snuggle with my sweetie :) See pics at http://chinesesamovar.blogspot.com.

Only flaw is that it lacks an oil ventilator. Will have to see how to fix that problem.

In other news, I love Skype. Interesting fact is that so many people pronounce it Sky-pee here even though the site itself says it's supposed to be pronounced like 'hype' or 'type.' I suppose it's just that we're in Asia? Or do they have separate branding here? Not sure, but I am left with the conundrum of how to prounce it. I could pronounce it Skype because that's the way it's supposed to be pronounced. But will people who pronounce it Sky-pee, and, I assume, believe that is the way it should be pronounced think that I am a) being pompous or 2) become embarassed when they realize their errors? Or will they simply c) realize that they are pronouncing it incorrectly and correct themselves? Not sure. It'd be cool if they did c) and corrected themselves. It'd be sort of like a tipping point thing - maybe I could start a movement, somehow and through the random chaotic movements or all these people, somehow through those forces of chaos manage to correct the pronounciations or everyone who's saying it wrong.

Who says I have delusions of grandeur? ;)

Yay!

Sam found an apartment. It's in North Point, convenient to bus and subway and apparently small.

I can't wait to see it! :) Hopefully she'll send pics and we can all see what it's like.

Very exciting.

As I was posting the last thread, sitting in the dark in bed letting the wireless networking doing it's thing, a bug flew and landed on the screen.

I hate bugs. They scare me. I get dry mouth and cold skin and tingly in the base of my neck when I see a cockroach. This was a little one so I wasn't really fearful of it, per se, but it made me wonder if its larger kin were somewhere in the darkened room waiting to come out and play as soon as I fell asleep. That begins to worry me.

If I had 7 wishes (there used to be a TV show about a kindly black fairy godmother that would visit children through their TV's and give them each seven wishes - does anyone else remember this show?) One of them would definitely be that wherever I went, all bugs within a 2 mile radius would drop dead and disappear. I like this more than wishing all bugs dead simply because I'm also somewhat of an environmentalist and understand the important role that bugs and insects play in our ecosystem and don't want my fear to harm the earth. Of course, I also understand that were I to walk by an insect research center that used bugs to study something important to the human race, this would be a source of not insignificant consternation to those scientists or lab techs or whoever. But this is one of those situations where they would have to take it on the chin for the greater good - my fear of things with more than four legs.

Of course, the bug wish would only be for if I had seven wishes. If I only had one, it'd be to win the megamillions lottery when it was over $360 million. I don't want to come off as venal, but hey, walking away with around $160 mil NPV post tax isn't bad. And after giving away to family, causes etc. I'd 'only' be left with less than 70 mil which is still enough to live somewhere without bugs.

Wish two would be to be able to read, write and speak the twenty most spoken languages on the planet (and their dialects) as an educated native (with academic registers). That'd just be cool.

Wish three - ability to impart good health on whomever I want.

Wish four - ability to stop time. I got this idea from another TV show from when I was a kid whose title I don't remember. This girl could stop time and walk around while everyone else was frozen. She could also unfreeze people by touching them and they could so stuff together in the frozen world. Pretty cool. Don't know what happens, though, if you're driving when time stops. In the show, the lights stayed on while time was stopped which implies machines still continued to operate. This could be very dangerous. Anyways, the main reason I want this wish is so I can sleep. How often are you falling asleep in some really boring meeting or class and you just wish you could sleep, but know you can't miss what's being said? Well, for me, it's all the time. This would effectively combat that. I could stop time, nap to my heart's content, then restart it and nobody would ever know.

Wish 5 - the bug wish.

The others I'm still working on. World peace isn't one of them. Not because I wish conflict on people, but because I actually think it's impossible. Call me a cynic, but I think conflict is key to how humanity evolves and improves itself. No competition, no evolution. I'm hoping for a better tomorrow.

Friday night alone

I'm not lonely in the sense of not having people in my life to spend time with, but more in the sense that SAM is in HK and I'm over here in Taipei. She's already deep asleep, I bet, and here I am feeling a bit alone without her on the other end of a phone or on the other side of the bed.

Anyways, just thought I'd post a pic of us together to make the blog more multi-media. Don't expect music or video, though. Just not that talented.

Sometimes, it feels like the more often I look at photos of her, the more I smile. It's nice.

we're on a roll now!

So it's been awhile. And yes, a lot has changed. What to say but that in the first go around, I obviously didn't find that thing that made blogging compelling for me. But now I'm back and willing to give it another shot. And it's largely due to the last few days being rather blog-ful.

Not only did I discover and read the blog of a friend of mine, but I was also emailed a link to Jessica Culter's blog (why don't I ever meet these girls?) - http://washingtoniennearchive.blogspot.com/ - and discovered that SAM even has set up a blog now. Somehow, all this vicarious blogging has me now itching a bit to try this out again.

I discovered how much I enjoyed these three very different blogs. Each one was a different glimpse into the life of some person - two of whom I know and one whom I don't. I learned something in all three. Well, at least all three were entertaining in different ways. Power of human expression, I guess.

I suppose that this blog would be more interesting if I actually wrote about something personal. I think I may actually be writing about blogging rather than anything else because I'm a bit worried about how public this forum is. Interesting fact for self, I suppose. :)

So that's it for this entry. A bit weak, but it'll have to do for a restart effort. We'll see where this goes :)